wife to Jake, mommy to my 3 crazy munchkins, Lily (7), Jonah (5.5) and Kate (4). Taking this crazy blessed life one day at a time.

11.20.2013

One thing marriage has taught me.

Growing up, I had it in my head that there was "the One". 

The one person in the whole entire world that I was meant to marry. 

I remember asking my mom "how do you know that he's the one?" And she replied, "you will just know." 

That answer always frustrated me. Now,being on the other side, I completely understand. But before you first experience that deep love, "you just know" is a hard answer and left me with more questions than answers. 

Growing up, I was kind of boy crazy. 

I remember my first real crush was is first grade- Kyle. 

I remember having my first "boyfriend" in 6th grade- he passed me a note during lunch asking me to go out with him, even though we didn't really know each other. .

In high school, I would go out of my way to bump into a guy I liked. I would pretend I was cold so I could borrow his jacket. We would pass notes during geometry. I would go running in the park and just happened to run by his house. The list of stupid things I did because I was boy crazy could go on and on. 

I'm sure I thought I was being so smooth and clever. But I am even more sure that it was totally obvious to anyone that was watching. And I am sure that if I could have watched myself doing these crazy things, I would have been really embarrassed. 

I liked a lot of boys over the years. That's what made the answer "you just know", so frustrating. But how will I know?! 

Going into college, I still had the mentality that there was one guy out there for me. One guy that God had picked out for me from the beginning of time, destined to be my husband. 


Once I met Jake, I finally knew what "you just know" meant. I had never felt love like that before. 

After being married for a while, I came to a big realization. 

JAKE WAS NOT "THE ONE" 

Now hear me out: 

I realized that There is no such thing as "the one". 

While its kinda fun (but also a bit stressful) thinking that there is one person you are meant to love and be with forever, it just isn't true. 

MARRIAGE IS ABOUT COMMITMENT.

MARRIAGE IS A DAILY CHOICE TO LOVE YOUR SPOUSE.

Marriage is hard. Really hard. It is not an easy task to take two individual people and make them one couple. 

What makes it easier is the love we have for each other and our commitment to each other.

Jake and I chose each other. We made the decision to stand by each other "till death do us part".

Honestly, I could have married someone else. And we could have been perfectly happy together. It may have been a harder marriage, with more issues to work out.

But, I didn't choose someone else. I chose Jake. And he chose me. And every day we wake up and make the choice to love each other.

We have been married almost 8 years. Many days we do a great job at being loving to each other- remembering what makes each one of us feel especially loved- whether it's a sweet card, or flowers, or a surprise visit at work, or a surprise date night. And sometimes we fall short and our buckets are not as full at the end of the day.  (We read a book in our family called "How Full is your Bucket" - I recommend this to everyone. Even though it's a kids book, it works for adults too and is a great way to get across how our words and actions affect everyone.)

 What I have learned about marriage is that you shouldn't be searching for the ONE person in the world that will make you happy forever. Because there are probably lots and lots of people in the world that could make you happy.

Find someone that you love with all of your heart, that loves God will all of his heart, that loves you with all of his heart, that treats you the way you deserve to be treated, that makes you feel safe and secure and that you feel deep down will truly make you happy.

I wish that someone had told me that a long time ago.

Marriage is a choice and once you make that choice, give it your all. Every.single.day.

It's so worth it.


2 comments:

Samantha Nicole said...

Thank you, Lauren! I always feel like such a jerk when I tell this to people; it's nice to hear it from someone who has already walked back up the aisle. :)

Jana HB said...

thanks, Lauren. And I LOVE that bucket book too! for kids, but applicable to EVERYone!