Updates.

Well, life lately has been extra crazy and busy (what is it about spring?!), so unfortunately, I haven't had a moment for my blog. 

So, here are some updates:

- Jonah's eye appointment went well. We found that he has perfect eyes and they are not causing his headaches. Thankfully, we have not had too many issues with his headaches in the past couple of weeks. 

- Kate is now 6 months episode free! We are thrilled that she has gone this long without an episode and are praying that it continues! 

- Our adoption journey is on hold for now- we discovered that our house is currently not big enough. Because our house has fairly small bedrooms, especially Jonah's room, it doesn't allow each child to have the amount of room required by the state to add another child. The door is not closed, but it seems that we will have to wait until we move, or add on to our house. 

- Jake and I are still looking into homeschooling, but we are waiting to make our final decision until we hear more about other doors possibly opening regarding Jake's job. 

- Since Jonah was 2, he has had a lot of issues with his tonsils. Each year he gets strep or a viral infection at least 4 times, usually more. And each year, the number seems to keep going up. So, next month he has an appointment with an ENT- ear, nose and throat doctor. Jake and I are hoping that we can get Jonah's tonsils out. Jonah has an infection right now and the poor guy- his throat is in rough shape.

- Jonah graduates from preschool and turns 5 in just 2 weeks!

-Lily has been doing GREAT in soccer and scored her first goal last week!  

Things have been so busy lately, but I am hoping they will start to slow down in a few weeks. Then maybe I can get out some good blog posts :) 

Headaches.

Since September, Jonah has been struggling with headaches. He seems to only get them in the mornings when he has school. 

In the fall, there were a few times that I had to pick Jonah up from school because of these headaches. 

I took him to the doctor, who referred us to a neurologist at Children's. When she told me that Jonah should be seen at Children's, I thought, "not again, we just went through all of this with Kate!" 

Jonah's appointment was in January, and went well. By the time of that appointment, Jonah's headaches had lessened and he wasn't having as many, so the neurologist didn't seem too concerned, but told me that if they start up again, to call. 

Well, since that January appointment, Jonah has still been complaining of headaches and I've had to pick him up from school 3-4 times. 

Occasionally he also complains of blurry vision, so back to the doctor we went. They are sending us to  ophthalmology. That appointment is at Children's too, and is this Thursday. 

If everything seems fine with his eyes, then he will have to go back to the neurologist, who will mostly likely say that they will need to do some imaging. Meaning an MRI, maybe an EEG. 

I am PRAYING so hard that this is an eye issue. I am praying that this is something that is easy to fix and that fixing it will stop the headaches. 

I am feeling rather nervous for this appointment. I don't want them to say all is well with his eyes. Because I don't want to go back to neurology. I don't want another one of my kids to go through getting an MRI and an EEG. I am terrified of what they might find if he gets those tests.

I know I am getting ahead of myself. 

I am trying and trying to calm myself down and just wait until his eye appointment. Because really, worry does nothing when we don't even have an answer about his eyes. 

But I worry. I have always been a worrier. 

Remember that post I wrote about fear?  Yeah, I keep thinking, "what if this is the beginning of my nightmare?" 

But I am praying, and trusting. Because really no matter what happens, my faith is in God and I know that everything will eventually be okay. 

But, the reason for this post- will you please pray with me? For Jonah's health, for his upcoming appointment, for my strength and sanity? 

I will update you all after his appointment, which is at 9:45 on Thursday morning, and will last 2-3 hours.  Hopefully I will be posting a picture of a cute boy wearing his new glasses. 

Love: A message to my munchkins.

To my sweet little loves,

 Since the three of you came into my life, I have been much more aware of danger. Of evil. And since you three came into my life, I worry. 

I worry about your futures. Not about the decisions that you will make. But more about the decisions others will make that will impact you. 

There is evil in this world. And it is horrifying to experience. 

But, there is also lots of good. Lots of love. 

That's what you need to focus on, guys. LOVE. 

I feel like that is the biggest thing God is showing me, teaching me right now. 

For the past 6 1/2 years, I have worried about being a good parent. I want to be the best mommy to you guys and I worried that I wasn't teaching you everything you needed to know to help you guys grow up to be good people. I would search my brain and come up with all these things that I felt I had to teach you. It was overwhelming and that job scared me. It felt like it was too much for me to handle. 

But you know what? God has been showing me that it isn't overwhelming. It isn't too much.

There is one answer. 

LOVE.

It all comes down to love. 

Really. That's it. 

Do everything out of love. 

Yes, there is evil in this world, but there is also love, and kindness and goodness. 

Guys, I always want you to show love. 

Show love to your friends. Show love to the kid that makes fun of you. Show love to our elderly neighbors. Show love to the lady at the grocery store, to the mailman, to the man walking his dog. Show love to the little kids that just want to play with you, to the person bagging our groceries, to the woman that serves you lunch at school. 

You never know who it's going to change. You never know how your love is going to impact someone else. 

Your actions will always affect others, and love will make the greatest impact of all.

It will not always be easy, though. Sometimes it will be so hard. Sometimes it will be embarrassing.

But it will be worth it. 

You may not be able to tell right away, you may not be able to see it, but it will be worth it. 

Radiate the love of God to everyone you meet. 

Love is different to everyone. To someone it might be a hug (you three are already great at that one), to others it might be a note, to some it might be a smile, or a thank you, or some small thoughtful gift. To others will be something completely different.

By showing love, you will also be kind, forgiving, humble, thoughtful, thankful, generous, and selfless- all things that God calls us to be. It all stems from LOVE. 

Lily, Jonah and Kate, the three of you are so special. You are already so loving to everyone. Don't lose that. Pray for God to fill your heart with even more love. I'm already doing that. 

You guys will change lives. And your love will bring others to God. And your love will make this world a better place.

And we ALL need this world to be a better place. 

Love is the answer guys. 

All you need is love. 

I didn't know it was possible, but my love for you three grows more and more every single day.

I am so proud of you guys and I can't wait to see the impact you are going to make in this world and the lives you are going to change. 

I love you. 

Love,

Mommy

Doors.

Well, after thinking and praying and researching, I am still not sure if homeschooling is the best fit for us. 

I feel like we have a lot up in the air right now. 

Jake's career: There are a few options here and we are waiting for doors to be opened or closed. The first door will be opened or closed tomorrow.

Adoption: This is still very much on our hearts and minds. We are waiting until we get a little clarity about Jake's job before we move forward, but we are very excited about it!

Homeschooling: We are looking into this option and seeing if it would be the best fit for our family. It slightly depends on the path Jake's job goes as well, because of income and his schedule possibly changing. (If it changed, he would be able to help with the schooling too, which is something he is very excited about)

There are lots of pros but also many cons to homeschooling, plus the fact that I am feeling a tad overwhelmed by the whole choosing a curriculum thing. 

But, the door is not closed. 

So, we shall see. I guess we are waiting on career decisions right now, before we can really move forward with adoption and homeschooling decisions. 

Please pray for clarity and for doors to be opened very wide or closed very tightly. 

A voice.

Last week was not an easy week for me. 

In fact, it was one of the hardest I've had in a long while. 

To anyone that I hurt or offended in my last post, I am sorry. That was never my intention. 

That post caused some reactions that I had never expected. 

Those reactions caused some emotions and feelings that I have not felt in a very long time. And it was really hard for me to feel like that again. 

But, along with those feelings came the strong urge for me to stand up for myself. Something that I have not done enough of in my life.

Usually I just give in, tail between my legs, thinking the way everyone else feels is right, and my feelings must be wrong. I usually don't give myself enough credit and I never had the courage to really stand up for myself.  

I hate confrontation. I will do just about anything to avoid it. Which really isn't always very healthy. I say "yes" more than I should and end up doing things I don't always want to do, just because I don't want to cause any trouble. 

But, little by little I am finding my voice and slowly realizing that it's okay for me to speak up and say "no" sometimes. 

I have to say that this situation has shown me how much I have grown in the past few years. Feeling that need to stand up for myself is a new feeling for me, and, even though the situation was definitely not anything I wanted to go through and I wish it had never happened, I am glad to realize that I have come a long way. 

I still have far to go, but little by little I am discovering that my voice is worth being heard.

********

And here is a little cutie who makes sure her voice is always heard! :)  

To homeschool or not.

Jake and I have had the homeschooling discussion on and off since we've been married. 

We like the idea, him more than me, but I felt like I could never homeschool. I felt like I just wasn't one of those people that could do it. 

Jake and I were both in public school until graduating high school. We survived, why couldn't our kids? 

But, now that we are in the public school system, my views are changing. 

We live right down the street from Lily's school. It is a great school and Lily has done very well there so far this year- her "report card" is filled with almost all "exceeds standards" which of course makes Jake and I grin. 

But, at the same time, I know that she can do better. She is capable of more than what she is currently working on at school. 

But for me, the bigger issue is not the education itself, but what she is picking up at school, what she is learning from her peers, things that are the opposite of what we want our little girl to be exposed to. 

Now, I am NOT a helicopter parent. At all. I do not want to keep my kids sheltered from everything that goes on in the world. 

BUT, I do want to help them keep perspective. Keep their focus on what life is really about.

I am not saying that I am for sure going to homeschool, but it is something that I am actually thinking about and will start to look into. I want my kids to learn at their own pace and also be surrounded by good influences. If I were to homeschool, I would want a Christian curriculum for sure. 

But, I have many many questions that I am hoping you all can help me with!

- How do you even get started? 

- How do you choose a curriculum?

- What do you do with your younger kids while schooling your older  kids? 

- How do you teach your different aged/different grade kids at the same time? 

- What sort of time commitment per day is it?

- Do you need to keep to the same timing/routine each day?

-Can an ordinary mom really be successful?

- Is it hard for your homeschooled kids to be in sports or do extra curriculars through the school since they don't go there and may not know anyone? Does it make them feel like an outcast?

- Do you need to have a separate, designated "school" space in your house to homeschool? 

- How much money do you need to put into it to make it work?

That's all I can think of for now- if you have anything at all to add, please leave a comment on here or facebook! I am very interested in getting information about homeschooling and making it work!

Today.

Today was a frustrating day. 

It was just one of those days.

Nothing overly horrible happened today. But it was one of those days where little things just build and build and your husband comes home from work and can see the stress on your face and in your posture and graciously takes the kids all out for a walk just to give you 20 minutes of quiet. 

It was one of those days. 

A day the kids threw a fit whenever I gave them an answer they didn't want. 

A day they used mean and inappropriate words when they were angry. 

A day I felt like I couldn't take them anywhere.

A day I felt slightly overwhelmed by my own kids. 

I hate that feeling. Feeling like my kids are controlling me rather than the other way around. 

Usually it doesn't feel like that, but occasionally we hit a weird off day, like today, and we are out of whack. 

Days like today make me question, ever so slightly, if 4 might be much. 

I don't think so though. I know that every mom that has ever lived has had a day like today. Even mom's that have adopted. And days like today are not our everyday, thankfully.

Today is a day that the laundry I did last night still needs to be folded. 

A day the clean dishes in the dishwasher still need to be put away and the dirty ones still need to go in. 

A day I am in my pajamas at 7pm. 

A day that I really didn't want to make dinner but sucked it up and made it anyway. Thankfully it was good. 

But, 

even though today was an off day, and they drove me completely nuts, 

our evening was made up of a family dinner, kids playing, and best of all, cuddling on the couch while reading bedtime stories. (we are BIG Fancy Nancy fans over here)

The kids went to bed, happy and knowing they are loved. 

We ended this rotten day the right way. 

And tomorrow is a new day- His mercies are new every morning.