wife to Jake, mommy to my 3 crazy munchkins, Lily (7), Jonah (5.5) and Kate (4). Taking this crazy blessed life one day at a time.


Fear. Part 2.

I think I may have scared some of you off with my last post

I use this blog as a way to get things out: my fears, my struggles, my triumphs, my thoughts. The fear I described in my last post is very real. But this fear is inside my head. It is not ruling my life, it is not negatively affecting my being a wife or a mother. I am still, daily, trying to master being the best wife and mommy here on earth.  I think that post may have sounded as though I am letting this fear rule me. I promise it is not. But it is there, and has been on my mind a lot lately, so I wanted to get it out onto "paper". 

The big part of that post that I didn't include is that I am trying to give these fears over to God. I pray about this, along with countless other things. I trust Him and His plan and His timing. I know that whatever happens in this life, it has a purpose. We may not be able to see what that purpose is, but it is there. This quote is from an earlier post:

 "I know that every twist and turn we take in our lives, whether good or bad, takes us on a path that forms who we are and affects our future and the future of others. God is behind everything, and someday, something good will come from each one of those twists and turns. I really believe that, and being reminded of that helps me when I am going through something hard."

So, I know that if something were to happen to one of us, we would be okay. We are given trials that we can handle. They may not be easy and it may feel like we can't take another step forward, but little by little we will be able to get through it. 

I guess I should say that my fear is having to experience that pain. The pain of watching someone I love more than anything suffer and then possibly losing them and living in this world without them.  Does that make sense? 

A sweet friend of mine said it perfectly, 

"Intellectually, if what I consider to be a major catastrophe in my 

family's life is what leads my kid to live a life serving the LORD, then bring it on. Intellectually, if I trust that 

God's plan is perfect and working for the good of me, who loves Him, then I have to trust that my vision is 

stunted, and I cannot see (though I hope to one day see) the glory being effected through His plan."

I seriously love this. I could not have said it better myself. That is exactly how I feel. 

So, I hope I didn't scare too many of you with my post, and I hope that I cleared things up a bit with this one.

Good comes from all and even if you can't see it just yet, it is being felt somewhere. 

I hope that if I am hit with something hard, I can remember this and know that it is His plan, even if it may feel as if the world is crumbling around me. 

new Lauren

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Fear. Part 1.

Lately, I feel like I am being consumed by fear. 

I feel like I waiting for something awful to happen to one of us. 

I am not so much afraid of an accident, although don't get me wrong, I still worry about that too. But I am more afraid of one of us getting sick. And I mean really sick. 

When we were first taking Kate to the doctor because of her morning vomiting, I was sure that they were going to tell us that she had a brain tumor. Thank God her MRI came back clean.

I guess I feel like I am hearing so much about people getting sick, it seems like it's just a matter of "when" rather than "if", know what I mean? It feels like it's everywhere. And by "it" I mean cancer. 

I wouldn't say I have had an easy life, but I have managed to squeak by without much tragedy. I have not witnessed someone I love dearly go through the hell that is cancer. I have not met it firsthand. 

I feel like something is coming. Something that will change our family forever. 

I know that sounds awful, but it's just a feeling that I have. 

When I was getting my IUD, the doctor was telling me that he had done hundreds of these procedures, but as each one went on, he would get a little more nervous because the odds kept going up, the odds that he would mess up. Funny thing that he told me that because I was the one he messed up on!  Ironic, huh?

But doesn't it feel that way sometimes? As each day goes on, each day you and your family are alive and well, it feels like you are that much closer to something awful happening?

I hate that I have been so consumed by this fear; this feeling that something is about to come down and shake our world.  I know that there are people out there that seem to escape such tragedy, but I feel like those people are getting fewer and fewer. It seems as though everyone's lives have been personally touched by cancer. 

When will it hit my life? I pray never. But it almost seems unavoidable. 

Please tell me I am not the only one out there with fears like this? I can't be. 

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Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome-

Kate had another episode yesterday- the first in 4 months. I wouldn't say that this was her worst episode, but it was the longest, lasting from 2:45am until 7:30. Last night she had her first dose of Periactin (I hope I spelled that right), and it seemed to work since Kate was fine this morning and had no vomiting. 

This whole thing continues to confuse me. I did find a pretty helpful description of CVS HERE, if you want to read about it. I liked that it talked about how hard this can be on the families, in many different ways, as well as on the patient. It is a lot more than just throwing up. With every episode, Jake and I get discouraged all over again. I guess we are hoping that, somehow, it will just go away and the episodes will stop. Which might happen someday, but who knows when. 

I found a support group for CVS on facebook, that I hope will be of some help to us on this journey. Although reading through some of the posts makes me scared. It appears that Kate's CVS is pretty mild compared to what many many people deal with. So, I am thankful for that, but scared that Kate's could get much worse. 

I might be getting ahead of myself a bit, as we are still in the midst of testing and figuring out what Kate's blood work results mean. It appears to be CVS, but I guess there is a chance it is something else. Hopefully that blood work will give us a clue. 

Kate goes in to her neurologist in November for a follow-up, where I am sure I will have lots of questions to ask. She then has her appointment at the neuro-metabolic clinic at Children's in Boston in December (yes, that was the soonest she could get in). Honestly, I do not really know what is going to happen at that appointment. I am hoping they will be able to tell us what Kate's blood work means and where we should go from there. 

For now, we wait. And track her episodes. And pray for answers, patience, and peace. 

She is pretty proud that she can ride all by herself now :)

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Kat's pictures

A couple of months ago we had a short but wonderful visit with our friends Matt and Kat and their sweet family. 

Kat was so kind and took some super cute pictures of the kids that you can see here : 

Thank you so much Kat! I already have some of these pictures on my mantel! 

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The first few weeks

Well, the beginning of the year has come and gone and we are finally settling into a bit of a routine with our new fall schedules. 

Lily is absolutely loving school and I am thrilled! Sadly she has to miss the last 2 days because she was hit hard with a 24 hour tummy bug, but thankfully she is back to her lively self. 

She is making friends and is so happy every day when we go pick her up. She is still saying that her favorite part is having lunch at school :) But I know that she is loving every part of the day.

Lily also started gymnastics last week! I signed her up at the Y, and although it is a bit noisy and chaotic, she had a great first class and can't wait for her next class tomorrow. This is our first experience with the Y, and although I was a little intimidated by it, so far all has gone well. 

Jonah has also started school- he is back in the blue room with the wonderful Miss Amanda and Miss Deb! He is loving it and is such a good friend and helper at school. I love that he has a place that is his place, a place away from his sisters. 

I have had to tweak our schedule around now that Lily is in full time school and gets out at 2. It has been a bit of a pain, I will be honest, since I usually have 1 or 2 napping kids when 2pm rolls around. But, we have made some adjustments, and now it is do-able. I don't like keeping the kids awake an extra 1.5 hours just to walk over for 10  minutes to pick Lily up, but it is working for now. 

I will say that it is weird having Lily gone for so much of the day. It makes me sad that I don't get to see her as much anymore, but I am so glad that she is really loving school and is having a great experience. And one of my new favorite times of the day is right after I pick Lily up, and the other 2/3 kids are in bed/quiet time, and it is just me and Lily (while she is having a snack before her quiet time). She tells me all about her day, and her friends, and shows me everything she brought home from school. It is so nice to spend such good quality time with just her. 

Hopefully the kids will be just as excited about school in the spring!

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Kindergarten and birthdays

Well, I did it. 

I sent my oldest munchkin off to kindergarten this morning. 

She was more than ready, having 3 years of preschool under her belt. 

Last week she had her kindergarten screening and her visit day and today is her first day. She went in to her classroom, no problem, gave me, Jonah and Kate hugs and kisses, and then picked out a book and starting reading with a classmate. 

I did not cry, but I am amazed that this day is already here. Full day school. 

And what I really can't believe is that I will be going through this all again next for Jonah! What!? How is it that my little boy is going to be in kindergarten next year? Ugh. Let's not think about that right now. Let's just take it one kid at a time. 

I love you Lily! I hope you have an awesome first day of Kindergarten!!

It's been a big week for Lily- she also celebrated her 6th birthday on Saturday!

We let her call the shots for the day.

When I asked her what she wanted to do on her birthday she said "Go hiking!". 

She chose french toast for breakfast. Then we went hiking at Agassiz Rock, and then we went to Ravenswood Park, and had a great time at both!

We then headed to Friendly's for lunch and then back home for nap/quiet time for Jonah and Kate. I took Lily out shopping so she could use her birthday money. She very proudly bought herself a basket for her bike along with a bell, and a bunch of new books :) 

After shopping, we headed back home so I could finish up her cake and get ready for our little family party. Grandpa and Cyndi and Grandma Jan came over to have dinner, cake and open presents with us. 

Yep, I made this little beauty. Lily requested an Oreo cake (there are crushed Oreos in the frosting) and it was delicious!

We had a great time and Lily LOVED her big gift, GYMNASTICS! I signed her up this morning and she starts next Thursday! 

Her new gymnastics leotard- she was so excited!

 Lily had a great birthday and is so excited to be 6!!

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