I wish I didn't get so overwhelmed by being a parent. But I do. It's such a huge responsibility. And one of my biggest fears is failing- raising one of those kids that you would see on the news because they brought a gun to school or something horrible like that. There is so much to think about and so many things to teach and remember. Consistency is big. It's also really hard. One thing that I need to work on is relaxing. I need to be a more laid-back mom. Sometimes I get caught up in feeling like I need to do everything right now. An example: If my kids don't say "please" and "thank you", they won't be polite in the future and it will be even harder to teach them when they are older. If I let them get away with something one time, they will think they can always do that and I will get walked all over. I feel that I need to teach them all these different things now, or else they won't ever learn them. Now, I know that's not true. I know I am crazy. I bet my kids would be happier and learn more if I lightened up and was a cool, fun mom. I stress out too much. I think a lot of it is not wanting to repeat mistakes that were made when I was a kid. But it's amazing how much of the behavior I don't want to repeat actually is repeated. It sure is hard to break away from the way you were raised. Often I will say something or yell or do something that sounds just like my mom. And I hate that. I don't want to sound like her.
My dream is to be one of those super cool moms that somehow finds the time to make homemade snacks and granola and is really creative in the kitchen. I want to be one of those moms that can sew cute clothes for my kids out of curtains or sheets. I want to come up with fun crafts out of weird things you would find around that house. If I want to be that kind of mom, I need to add about an extra 24 hours to each day. I would also need to figure out how to be crafty. because I am not. at all. I learned how to sew in 7Th grade home-EC. I could probably figure it out again if I had the time. And a sewing machine. And the space to store a sewing machine and fabric. I think one day, when all the kids are in school and we are living in a house, with space, I will be able to be that kind of mom. Would that make me happy? It might- I like being productive and seeing my results instantly. Mothering is hard for me because I don't usually see the results right away. Hopefully, if all goes as planned (yeah right, like that usually happens!) my kids will be super well-behaved and polite and they will listen when I talk to them. And they will love the Lord and be good and faithful servants. That's the plan. That's the dream. I think to make this happen I need to lighten up a bit. Okay, a lot. And pray more. And trust and remember that I am not parenting alone , that's a big one. And ENJOY my kids! I get so caught up in trying to make sure I am doing all I can to make them turn out okay, I don't always enjoy them, which makes me sad. I also need more mommy friends. Goal for preschool this year- don't be so shy and try to talk to other moms and make some friends. Also, don't be afraid of my phone.
Hooray for another rambling post. But who cares. It helps me. If you are a friend of mine, help me to lighten up!