wife to Jake, mommy to my 3 crazy munchkins, Lily (7), Jonah (5.5) and Kate (4). Taking this crazy blessed life one day at a time.

3.18.2016

"Trust Me"

Everyone knows that the foster care/adoption process is not easy.

We knew that going into it. We heard it in our training classes, from our friends, from our family, from our social worker and from strangers.

But I can tell you, it's harder than you think. It's harder than I thought it would be.

It's hard filling out all the paperwork and going through the training classes and meetings, but you get through it and move on to the next step.

It's hard waiting and waiting for an email or phone call about a potential placement. It's even harder saying "no" when you know in your heart it isn't the right fit.

It's hard when you say "yes", but then they pick a different family.

It's hard when you finally get that call and the answer is yes and suddenly your world has changed.

It's hard, so so hard, when every Thursday, reality smacks you in the face when you talk to his social worker about visits with birth parents.

It's hard not yet knowing what will happen.

This journey is so much more difficult than I thought it would be. And I'm not sure you can fully understand it until you are experiencing it.

A few months ago, I was feeling very anxious about everything. It was a really rough visit with birth mom for me and I was feeling really discouraged when I heard a voice say, "Trust Me."

That was it.

"Trust Me."

And since then, I have felt peace.

This is the only time in my life where I am certain it was God speaking to me and I have never questioned that.

"Trust Me."

Things are starting to happen in J's case and over the next few months, more of his future will be decided. Will he stay or will he go?

"Trust Me."

The thing that I realize about these words, trust me, is that God is not telling me that J will stay. He is not telling me that he will go.

He is telling me through two simple words, that whatever happens with J, He is in control. He loves me, He loves J, He loves my family, and whatever happens in the end, will bring Him glory.

"Trust Me."

Knowing that we will be finding out in the coming months about J's future, I have felt myself begin to get anxious again. But remembering "Trust Me" and how I felt when I first heard those words, I feel at peace again, but it is still so hard.

We love this baby more than words can express. Please pray for his future, the next few months with meetings and court dates coming up, pray for us, for patience, for understand, for wisdom, and to continue to trust.




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