wife to Jake, mommy to my 3 crazy munchkins, Lily (7), Jonah (5.5) and Kate (4). Taking this crazy blessed life one day at a time.

2.17.2013

defeated.


***Warning: I just need to vent***

If you saw me at church this morning, I don't think I looked like my usual happy self. I feel like every inch of me was screaming:

"Look at me! I feel incredibly run down- I'm sad that my husband is out plowing/salting yet again and we are here again without him- My kids are driving me nuts and I lost my patience a few weeks ago and still haven't found it- I'm down about how certain things aren't going the way I thought they would be going, instead they are much worse- I'm down about how hard work has been for my hard-working husband and how no one seems to appreciate all of his hard work . Don't I look lovely today?!" 

I feel DEFEATED. 

Do you ever get overwhelmed at the hugeness that is parenting and marriage and want to run and hide? 

Do you ever feel like you just can't do it anymore?

The past few weeks, I feel like I haven't been a great mom. A good mom, yes. I mean, my kids are still alive. 

I feel like I haven't been a great wife either. 

I don't really know what's going on or why these past few weeks have been so hard for me. Maybe I am taking on too much? Maybe I am not using my time wisely? I am definitely not turning to God as much as I should or need to. Maybe I bottle things up and try to pretend like things don't bother me? Maybe it's because it's winter and winter can be depressing? Maybe all of that and more? 

Sometimes it just all seems to much for me. Sometimes I feel like I can't handle all of this responsibility. 

Don't worry- I will not run away from my responsibility. 

Sometimes it's just hard. Sometimes things don't go along smoothly. Sometimes there are big bumps in the road. I am still trying navigate those bumps. Sometimes those bumps really through me off my game and it takes me a little while to get back on track.

I am praying that I can get back on track soon. 


What helps you get back on track when life has you feeling defeated?

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2 comments:

cara said...

We didn't make it to church this morning...sorry you are feeling so down! Praying for you and the family!

Jana HB said...

yup...sometimes it's just hard. i feel like my mom would say something like that. i feel like i know how you feel, and you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other, give yourself some grace- you're doing some really hard things! and then take a bath, or watch 5 episodes of a show you love, dont do the dishes on night (although that backfires sometimes...) You're not alone...not only do you have God right by your side, but a bunch of other moms cheering you on...we're just too busy to tell you sometimes! you're cheering me on too, right?! i need it.