Lately, I feel like I am being consumed by fear.
I feel like I waiting for something awful to happen to one of us.
I am not so much afraid of an accident, although don't get me wrong, I still worry about that too. But I am more afraid of one of us getting sick. And I mean really sick.
When we were first taking Kate to the doctor because of her morning vomiting, I was sure that they were going to tell us that she had a brain tumor. Thank God her MRI came back clean.
I guess I feel like I am hearing so much about people getting sick, it seems like it's just a matter of "when" rather than "if", know what I mean? It feels like it's everywhere. And by "it" I mean cancer.
I wouldn't say I have had an easy life, but I have managed to squeak by without much tragedy. I have not witnessed someone I love dearly go through the hell that is cancer. I have not met it firsthand.
I feel like something is coming. Something that will change our family forever.
I know that sounds awful, but it's just a feeling that I have.
When I was getting my IUD, the doctor was telling me that he had done hundreds of these procedures, but as each one went on, he would get a little more nervous because the odds kept going up, the odds that he would mess up. Funny thing that he told me that because I was the one he messed up on! Ironic, huh?
But doesn't it feel that way sometimes? As each day goes on, each day you and your family are alive and well, it feels like you are that much closer to something awful happening?
I hate that I have been so consumed by this fear; this feeling that something is about to come down and shake our world. I know that there are people out there that seem to escape such tragedy, but I feel like those people are getting fewer and fewer. It seems as though everyone's lives have been personally touched by cancer.
When will it hit my life? I pray never. But it almost seems unavoidable.
Please tell me I am not the only one out there with fears like this? I can't be.