From homeschooling to public school

I have had quite a few people ask me about our school year this year, so I thought I'd give a little update. 

As most of you know by now, we had 2 foster children, 7 and 9, come to live with us over the summer. Before they came, we were fully committed to homeschooling Lily, Jonah and Kate again this year. Curriculum was already bought and organized in our homeschool room and Lily  had even  started her new math book already; she was too excited to wait until the start of the school year! ( I still have it if anyone is interested in a grade 4 math curriculum....)

C and S came to us as an emergency placement. We were not expecting to have any more children come to live with us for a while, if at all, because of where we were in the process with Sam. C and S coming was completely unexpected, and even though we were very slow to say 'yes' to them, we felt God's hand in the situation and knew that they were meant to be with us for this time. 

Foster children can not be homeschooled, so saying yes to them meant that we needed to have a discussion about schooling and that we had to be open to possibly changing the plans we had for the school year. 

After being a family of 8 for a couple of weeks, we decided that it would be best to send all of the kids to public school for this year. 

I was relieved, because the thought of homeschooling the 3, and then having Sam at home when he is becoming more mobile by the day, and then having 2 in school, was really stressing me out. But I was also really really disappointed. Our school year last year was really difficult, but it was also really great and the kids LOVED being homeschooled. 

We told the kids our decision about school and Lily and Jonah both cried. A lot. Kate on the other hand, was thrilled, since she's the only one that has never been to public school before. 

We talked to the kids about it throughout the summer and little by little they were becoming more okay with the idea. 

Meanwhile, I was having doubts and was feeling really sad about sending them to school, especially about Kate since she's been home with me for so long. I was really questioning whether or not this was the best choice for us. 

We all went to 'new student night' at the school and that really sparked a lot of excitement in the kids. They saw their classrooms and their desks and cubbies. They saw their friends names and who was in their class. They toured the school and met the principal. For me, it was so strange to be back in that setting and especially to see Kate's name on the desk in her classroom. But after that night, the kids couldn't wait to start! 

This week is their 4th week in school and so far, it has been GREAT! I really didn't know what to expect, having 2 kids that were starting a brand new school (after joining our family less than 2 months before),  2 kids going back to public after being homeschooled, and 1 that had never been to public school before. 

All of the kids love their teachers (and so do I!), Kate is thrilled to be in school, C and S are making friends and Lily and Jonah are enjoying seeing their old friends again. 

Even up until the first day of school, I was still feeling really sad about not homeschooling and was praying hard that this year would be a positive year for all of them. But after that first day, I have felt so much better. The kids are all happy, they are getting a break from each other and get to be around new and old friends, Jake and I are getting lots of time with Sam which has been just awesome, and Jake and I are getting time together, which has really made a huge difference in our days, our weeks and in our marriage! We have even started going out on weekly breakfast or lunch dates with Sam and it has been wonderful. 

So, for now, I can say that this year, sending the kids back has been the right choice for us. We will see how much the kids are still loving school once the homework starts coming home, but for now, I am thankful that we are off to a great start and I feel peace about sending them off to school instead of guilt.

I don't know what we will do next year, but we will see how this year goes and we will take it year by year. I am thankful that we do live in a town with a great school system and that we have the choice to do what is best for our kids each year. 

One Step Closer

I don't remember a time in my life where I have cried happy tears and sad tears at the same time. 

Today was a big day for us. 

Today, our baby boy became legally free for adoption. 

When I got the call from the social worker, I cried. When she called a second time, I cried again. 

At first they were only happy tears. 

From our perspective, we have been waiting 357 days for this. We have loved this boy as our own from day one and each day we love him even more. He is a part of our family and we can't wait for him to be ours forever. 

But then they became sad tears.

From their perspective, they are about to lose their son. Even though he has us, our boy has lost his mom and dad. Despite the good that comes from adoption, there is so much loss and heartache. No matter what happened to his mom and dad, whether they willing gave him up or tried their hardest to get him back, that family is losing their son, their grandson, their nephew, their brother. And he is losing them. 

Yes, he is gaining a lot (and so are we!!), but there is no denying the loss that accompanies adoption.

So, today there were happy tears and there were sad tears. 

But we are one step closer to adoption day. 

What is next?

30 days. 

Birth mom has 30 days to appeal. 

If she does, it bumps the adoption out a while, maybe a long while (think 2 years).

If she does not, he will be ours this fall. 

30 days. This is our last major hurdle. 

Part of me really can't believe it. 

I am so thankful. 

Even though this process is incredibly difficult, I am so thankful for that little boy and who he is and what he  brings to our family. I'm thankful for a faithful God that has been with us every step of the way. I am thankful for the outpouring of love and support from all of you. 

Stay tuned- 30 days is going to go by in the blink of an eye!

(and for those of you that saw my post on facebook, don't get too attached to his name- even though we like it, it will  be changing soon :)  )

...and then there were six. {our third foster care experince}

As of yesterday afternoon, we are now a family of 8. 

Last week, we got a desperate email from DCF, asking if we would be able to take in a pair of siblings; an emergency placement. 

Our first thought was "no way". 

We were not looking to take on more kids just yet, especially because of where we are in the process with baby J. But we asked for some more information on the kids. 

After learning a bit of their story and their background, Jake and I were feeling very conflicted. We wanted to take them, but we were (okay, mostly I was) really scared about taking on 6 kids. I mean, 6 kids is a lot of kids! 

All week last week I had a knot in my stomach and was feeling nervous every day. We were praying and praying about it and decided that we couldn't make a decision without meeting them first. We needed to see them in person, see how they acted around each other and around our kids. 

So we arranged a playdate for Sunday. All of the kids thought we were just meeting to play with new friends. We spent 3+ hours playing and talking and it could not have gone any better. As soon as I saw them, the nerves and the knot in my stomach were gone.

Jake and I weren't even home from the playdate before we knew what our decision was. 

We told our 3 that night and their reaction was priceless. They all gasped while covering their mouths  with their hands, and were grinning and giggling like crazy. The way they open their hearts and love so easily is just incredible.

We spent last week prepping the house for 2 more kids, rearranging kids rooms, building beds, buying towels and toothbrushes and journals (among other things). 

Yesterday, Jake went down with the social worker to pick them up. It was not easy waiting those few hours for them to come! 

S and C finally came and so far things have gone so much better than I expected. 

We are all quickly falling in love with these two. 

I know that we are going to have rough days. I am sure after a couple of weeks here, when they start to feel more comfortable, we will see things that we aren't seeing now. And that's okay, we expect that. 

We went into this with the mindset that this is just temporary- until they are matched with a pre-adoptive family. But I have a feeling what we thought would be just temporary, just might end up being forever. 

I love God's sense of humor. We started this whole adoption journey looking for a sibling group between age 0-5. And what do we end up with? A newborn boy and a boy/girl sibling group age 9 and 6! 

So for now, we have:

Lily-9

S-9

Jonah-8

C-6.5

Kate-6.5

Baby J-11 months  

Life has just gotten much crazier but so far, we are loving it. 

Our first meeting

 I always loved this table but now I am really thankful for it!!

adoption update

Well, since my last post, quite a bit has happened. 

For the past 8 months, DCF has been working to reunite J with his birth family. 

It was 8 months of uncertainty about whether he would stay with us or be reunited, but it was also 8 months of loving on the sweetest little boy. 

A few weeks ago we found out that J's goal changed from reunification to adoption. 

This means that they are no longer trying to reunite him with his birth family and are instead working to find him a forever family. 

Since this change, I have had a lot of questions about what's next for us and for him. 

So, here's what has to happen before we would be able to adopt him:

- J is assigned an adoption worker

- lots of paperwork needs to be filled out

- DCF is searching for other members of J's family that could possibly adopt him. (Biological family comes before foster family)

- If they find possible family members for J, that family would need to go through and pass everything that we went through to become a pre-adoptive home.

-If no family is found, then we would be named the pre-adoptive family for J. 

- We work with social workers to see if we can agree on open adoption terms with birth family (if it's looking like an open adoption case.)

- Then lawyers and social workers go to court to try to terminate parental rights. 

- If everyone has agreed to open adoption terms, then after rights are terminated, we schedule the court date for the adoption finalization. 

- If terms were not agreed on for the open adoption or if judge wants a closed adoption, birth family has 30 days to appeal. 

- An appeal would prolong this entire process 1.5-2 years (!!!!)

So, right now, that is what we are facing. It is quite the process! But it is worth every second we get to spend with J. 

So many people tell us and other foster/adoptive parents that they "couldn't do it." That they'd "get too attached." 

While it has been hard falling in love with this baby and not knowing his future with us, can't we say the same thing about our biological children? We don't know how long we have with them or what their future holds. But we love them unconditionally, provide for them, meet their needs, have fun with them and live each day not knowing what the next day holds. 

Same with foster care. These kids need a family that will just love them and provide for them and keep them safe. They need you to get attached! And they need to attach to you! Even if you don't know how long they will be with you.

If J were to leave our family, I imagine I would feel the same as if one of my biological children suddenly left our family. Foster child, adoptive child, biological child- it doesn't matter- you don't know what God has in store, so don't let that stop you if you feel led to pursue foster care or adoption.

This process, although very hard, has been life changing for us and we have grown as a family and individually in so many ways. 

Not once have I regretted taking J into our home. 

And even if we all end up heartbroken at the end of this, I can guarantee all 6 of us wouldn't trade these months with J for anything. 

That being said, in our situation, things are looking promising that he will end up with us. We won't know for sure for a few months still, but we are very hopeful. 

Thank you to everyone that has been praying for us and supporting us through this journey- we are so very thankful for you! 

"Trust Me"

Everyone knows that the foster care/adoption process is not easy.

We knew that going into it. We heard it in our training classes, from our friends, from our family, from our social worker and from strangers.

But I can tell you, it's harder than you think. It's harder than I thought it would be.

It's hard filling out all the paperwork and going through the training classes and meetings, but you get through it and move on to the next step.

It's hard waiting and waiting for an email or phone call about a potential placement. It's even harder saying "no" when you know in your heart it isn't the right fit.

It's hard when you say "yes", but then they pick a different family.

It's hard when you finally get that call and the answer is yes and suddenly your world has changed.

It's hard, so so hard, when every Thursday, reality smacks you in the face when you talk to his social worker about visits with birth parents.

It's hard not yet knowing what will happen.

This journey is so much more difficult than I thought it would be. And I'm not sure you can fully understand it until you are experiencing it.

A few months ago, I was feeling very anxious about everything. It was a really rough visit with birth mom for me and I was feeling really discouraged when I heard a voice say, "Trust Me."

That was it.

"Trust Me."

And since then, I have felt peace.

This is the only time in my life where I am certain it was God speaking to me and I have never questioned that.

"Trust Me."

Things are starting to happen in J's case and over the next few months, more of his future will be decided. Will he stay or will he go?

"Trust Me."

The thing that I realize about these words, trust me, is that God is not telling me that J will stay. He is not telling me that he will go.

He is telling me through two simple words, that whatever happens with J, He is in control. He loves me, He loves J, He loves my family, and whatever happens in the end, will bring Him glory.

"Trust Me."

Knowing that we will be finding out in the coming months about J's future, I have felt myself begin to get anxious again. But remembering "Trust Me" and how I felt when I first heard those words, I feel at peace again, but it is still so hard.

We love this baby more than words can express. Please pray for his future, the next few months with meetings and court dates coming up, pray for us, for patience, for understand, for wisdom, and to continue to trust.

all in.

As we first began going through the steps to become a pre-adoptive home, there were many things about adoption that scared me. 

" Are we doing the right thing? Is this going to be too much? Can we afford more kids? Are we crazy?! How will our biological kids feel/act/behave? What if they don't like us? What if this is too hard?"

As we moved through the process, slowly those fears began to fade away. A few remained, but I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing. 

When we finished our training classes, even though they were terrifying and heartbreaking and scary and hard, I felt oddly peaceful and the excitement really began to grow. 

But even as my excitement grew, there was still one real fear in my heart. 

" Will I love them? Will they feel like mine? Will I want to smother their little faces with kisses like I do with my other kids? Will it feel like babysitting? Will it feel the same as my other three?"

These thoughts and fears were very real for me and made me second guess our path once or twice. 

Then we got D for one week. Respite care. We knew he couldn't stay. He already had a family trying to adopt him.

But we got a glimpse. A little peak at what it would someday be like for us. When we wouldn't have to send them back once we all started to get attached. 

And that little glimpse made us all excited for the future and a little of that fear began to fade. 

But I was still unsure. Still some of that fear lingered in my heart. I wasn't all in with D because we knew he wasn't ours. 

And then came J. 

A baby. 12 days old. 

The first couple of weeks and months were hard. Suddenly having a newborn again is not the easiest transition in the world. 

But life was good. We were all soaking in life with new baby. Well, as much as we could with construction and schooling and soccer and so on. 

Once we had J, that fear I had was no longer.

It is amazing to me how quickly he felt like mine. Like a part of our family. Like he had a piece of my heart all along. 

But now that J is about 3 1/2 months old, things are changing. 

He is sleeping better, he is happier during the day, he is showering us with the most precious smiles and coos you have ever heard. 

I suddenly find myself head over heels for this boy. 

I think I was not all in the first couple of months because, let's face it, life with a newborn is hard hard work. 

But now that he is moving out of newborn and moving into baby, I realized today, that I am all in. 

I love this boy more than I was expecting. 

I love him like he is my son. Like he always was my son.

I think it is so beautiful how God can grow this bond between people and how they can become yours even if you don't share the same blood. It is incredible what the human heart is capable of.

Now, the only fear that I am left with is J's future. 

We pray that he will end up wherever is best for him. Wherever he needs to be to learn the love of Jesus and to share the love of Jesus, let him be there. Whether that's with us, or with his birth family, let it be. 

The only thing is, all 6 of us are all in. 

But that's just what J needs. He needs us to be all in. And we are.

I am so happy and relieved to say that the fear I had in my heart about loving a child that I didn't give birth to has vanished. God works in wondrous ways and just as He has adopted us and loves us and gives orphans a home, He has given us the ability to do the same. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how much I love J and how incredible it is to love someone this way. 

Blood doesn't make you a family. You make your family. You choose to love. Always choose love. 

An update and some Q&A.

Well, it's been nearly two months since my last post so I thought it was time for an update.

J turns 3 months old this week. It's crazy to me how quickly he's becoming a baby and not a tiny newborn. 

The BEST thing about J right now are his smiles and coos. Seriously, is there anything better?! I think not. 

Life has been stabilizing a bit since he is getting bigger and is on more of a schedule now, however life is still completely crazy with baby, house construction, grad school, homeschooling, and all of J's visits and appointments. It's all going fairly well, but it's been the busiest time in our lives hands down. 

I have been getting a ton of questions about everything going on, especially with J, so I thought I would answer some:

Q: So, did you guys adopt J yet? 

A: No. And if we are able to, it won't happen for a long time.Like years. He is not on the adoption track yet, as pretty much the first year of his life, his goal is to be reunified with his birth family. 

Q: So, what do you know about his birth mom?

A: We know little bits, and are learning a bit more as time goes on. But we are not really able to share any of that info publicly. 

Q: Did you name him? 

A: We did not! If you know him, you know that his name actually fits in well with the rest of our names, which is fun. But birth mom named him and gave him a pretty good one, if I do say so myself :) 

Q: Did you expect/Did you want a baby?

A: NO! We did not expect a baby at all! If you've read any of my other posts about our adoption journey, you know that we were looking at 1-3 kids from ages 0-5. Honestly, Jake and I thought we would get a sibling group of 2 with one closer to age 4-5 and one maybe age 1-2. Everyone knows that the wait list for babies is always really long, so we just assumed that we would never get a baby. But we got the call, said yes, and we are so happy to have J with us. 

Q: So when is your house going to be done?

A: Well, there is no real timetable since Jake is doing most of the work himself, with help from my awesome father-in-law. He is thinking we will be able to move up into the new bedrooms in the spring. But it really just depends on how quickly Jake works :) 

Q: How is homeschooling going?

A: Honestly, not as well as I was envisioning. It is going pretty well- the kids are enjoying it and doing well at their work, but I am not loving it as much as I thought I would. But we are still getting started and finding our way and there is still plenty of time for things to improve. 

Q: How is J sleeping at night?

A: Much better! He's up once or twice for a bottle and usually goes back to sleep easily. I'm still always tired because life right now is just so exhausting that I don't think any amount of sleep will feel like enough! 

Q: How are the kids doing with J?

A: The kids are amazing with J. They love him so so much and it has been so awesome to see them love and care for this baby. They want to hug, kiss and hold him all the time (unless he's crying....) and are quick to help out when I need it. They even change some diapers and give him a bottle! 

That's all I can think of for now. Please continue to keep us in prayer as I do not foresee things slowing down for us anytime soon. 

We are so thankful for the prayers and support from all of you!

Life these days.

We have had the babe for almost 4 weeks now. Which I find to be somewhat unbelievable, seeing that the waiting-for-a-placement part of adoption seems to take forever, but now that he's here, time is flying at the speed of light. 

Life these days is, well.... crazy. 

Honestly.

We are in the middle of major house renovations. The first floor is nearing completion, but in a few short weeks, we will have no roof and cranes will be hoisting the frame of our second floor up onto our house. 

We started homeschooling last week. The kids are loving it, especially Lily, and it is going fairly smoothly so far. But we are still working on finding our groove, our routine, our rhythm.

Sleep in this house is.....let's just say I wish there was more of it. I am hoping someday soon I will be able to get more than 3 hours at a time.

As for adjusting to life with a newborn again?

I'd say we all have adjusted very well. Surprisingly, the kids have done pretty great for suddenly having to share so much of mom and dad's time and energy. They love this little boy like he has always been a part of our family, which is really awesome to see.

We have quickly adjusted to making bottles, (sometimes one handed!), to lugging that incredibly heavy infant car seat around, to changing diapers, to doubling our dishwasher usage (thanks to said bottles...), to quickly catching spit-up and to all the other little things that you so quickly forget about when you have a newborn in the house. Except the waking up multiple times in the middle of the night. That's a little harder to get used to.

We have been soaking in the snuggles, the squishy cheeks (his are seriously delicious), the soft, fluffy hair, the teeny tiny baby hands and feet (the kids can't get over how small his toes are), the baby yawns (why is it so cute when babies yawn?), and one of my favorites, the baby stretches (he stretches just like Jonah did as a baby and I love it).

While we are enjoying this sweet newborn, we are often snapped back into reality by phone calls, emails, conversations and visits. It's easy to forget that he's not ours until we are reminded about visits with birth parents, check-ins with social workers, doctors appointments where I can give no medical history, questions from strangers about if he is breastfed and why not, and comments from a nosy old lady asking me, in a very rude and judgmental tone, if I am even old enough to have all these kids.

This is a rough process and we are just at the beginning. I am sure that hardest is yet to come.

But, it is worth it. We are giving baby J a loving home where he is safe and cared for. However long he is with us is time well spent, even when it's hard.

Please keep praying for us, as this, even though it's going pretty well, is honestly a very hard season of life. We are so thankful for all of you that are loving baby J right there with us, and for those of you that are supporting us.

The call. {Our second foster care experience}

Of course the call came when we least expected it. 

It always seems to work that way. 

The call came on Monday. Actually, the email came first. 

"Any interest?" was written in the subject line.

A 12 day old baby boy.

The call came at 3:00.

 Our homestudy was chosen. We were chosen. 

We made an emergency trip to Target (where else?!) to get supplies to get us through the first couple of days: diapers, wipes, formula, some clothes, pacifiers, a baby blanket.

We went to the hospital that night to meet him, to feed him, to learn more about him. 

The next day, after dropping 3 very excited children off with Grandma Jan, we headed to the hospital to bring home our boy. 

It took 2 hours of talking to the doctors, nurses and social workers, signing papers and packing up his things, until we were walking out into the rain, carrying this new little life. 

I whispered to Jake, "They are letting us leave with a baby!"

It has been so surreal to be home with a newborn again. I still can hardly believe it. 

Ever since we started this process, I have wondered what it would feel like taking in someone else's child as my own. Would I feel the way I do about my biological children? Would it feel like babysitting? Would it feel like a burden?

Honestly, I was scared.

I was scared that I wouldn't love them the same as my kids, scared that it would feel like a burden.

With J, I am relieved to say that the past few days have been nothing but a joy.

Aside from some sleep-deprived, middle of the night frustration on night 2, I have been soaking everything in. We never thought we would get a newborn, so it feels like such a gift to be able to experience this stage of life again.

I already love this little guy so much. We all do.

We are fostering to adopt, but with babies, in the beginning, the goal is for them to be reunified with their birth family. It's a long road adopting babies from DCF.

Sadly, I can not tell you if J will be with us forever. We hope that someday he can proudly say he is a Kreyling, but we won't know that for quite a while.

If he does end up leaving us, I know that we will be able to say that we loved him fiercely, prayed over him, read to him and talked to him about Jesus, and that our lives will be better for knowing him.

But for now, he is ours and we couldn't be happier. 

Please join us in welcoming and loving our new little boy.

As Jonah has excitedly been telling everyone, "Come meet my new little brother that we hope to adopt someday!!!"

(Our amazon wish list: https://www.amzn.com/w/3PPXQMY764PE6 )

Our first foster care experience.

Last week we had a 3 year old boy come to live with us for the week. It was a respite care situation and it was our first time having a child from DCF come into our home.

Honestly? I was excited, but nervous. And scared.

We knew a bit about him and even got to meet him once, but still, I was nervous. Since we had never done this before, I just didn't know what to expect.

But we went in to this knowing that this boy needed a home for the week, knowing that he would have to leave us and go back to his family, and knowing that he just needed a family to love on him, keep him safe, care for him and have fun with him.

And that's what we did.

And we all stepped up to the plate. Especially my kids.

Boy do those kids love and love hard.

They welcomed him and immediately brought him into our family.

Jonah was thrilled to share his room, his toys, his stuffed dinosaur and even a few pairs of socks. Lily happily took him up and down the treehouse countless times, put on his shoes, read him story after story after story, and was so proud to be the first one to successfully put him down for his nap. Kate was his constant playmate, holding his hand on family walks (at his request), playing trucks in the dirt, and blowing hundreds of bubbles.

It was beautiful.

I can't really explain how it felt to see my kids in this way. They were so sweet, so caring, so loving, so forgiving, so accepting, so helpful, in ways I had never seen them before.

Overall, it was a great week. We definitely had some bumps and bruises along the way, as it is never a seamless transition. One thing that surprised me was how quickly Jake and I forgot what it was like living with a three year old! And a three year old that was constantly learning the rules and how we do things in our home. Boy was it exhausting!

We had lots of fun going swimming, blowing lots of bubbles (I think we went through 4 bottles!), going to playgrounds, the library, the splash pad, the bakery, playing with planes and trucks and cars and eating lots of PB&J sandwiches.

By the time Sunday came, we were all checking the clock to see how much time we had left with him and would then run to go play with him some more. When it was time for him to go, we had 4 very sad children. Two were crying and giving hugs, not wanting to let go. One was crying, "don't want to leave! Don't want to go! Want to stay here!"

It was very hard to say goodbye.

It was a good experience and I am glad we had it. We learned a lot about how it feels and what it's like having a child from DCF come into our home. Honestly, it's hard for me to put into words.

But it was hard. It was hard knowing he wouldn't get to stay.

Even though it was painful to say goodbye, we are all changed by this experience, changed by him, changed by opening our home and our hearts to this boy. We are hopeful that one of these days, we will get a child or two or three, and not have to say goodbye.

adoption Q&A

Now that we are getting closer and closer to a placement, I find that I am answering a lot of the same questions, so I thought it would be helpful if I answered some of them for you all. 

Q: International or Domestic adoption?

A: We are adopting through the Department of Children and Families, so our kids will come from right here in Massachusetts. 

Q: What ages/gender/race?

A: We are looking at kids ages 0-5. Race does not matter to us at all, so we are open to anything. As for gender, we just want at least one of them to be a boy :) 

Q: One of them has to be a boy?? Wait, how many kids are you hoping to adopt??

A: We are open to 1-3 kids! We are actually hoping for a sibling group of 2 or 3. We are really feeling called to sibling groups. So often DCF has to break sibling groups up because they can't find families to take them all. So, we are really hoping to be able to keep the siblings together.

DCF has a limit of 6 kids per family, so since we already have 3, we can get up to 3 more.  So, there is a good chance that our family of 5 could soon become a family of 8!

Q: Where are you planning on putting everyone??

A: We currently live in a fairly small ranch on a beautiful corner lot in a fantastic location. We looking into moving, but we kept coming back to the fact that we just love our location too much to move. So, hopefully within a month or two, we will begin construction to add a full second story onto our home. We will also be moving some rooms around on the 1st floor to give us a bigger family room and dining room. It will be our biggest project yet, but the end result will give us 4 bedrooms and a full bath upstairs, and a new living room, new dining room, full bath and one bedroom on the first floor. This, in addition to the 2 rooms in the basement, will give us plenty of space for our growing family.

Q: Do your kids know?
A: Yes! They have been very involved from the beginning. All three of them are so excited about adopting and I know they will be such great big siblings.

Q: You already have 3 kids, why are you adopting?

A: Honestly, we are not adopting for us. We are adopting for them. We are adopting because we have the ability to give these kids a home- to love them, to keep them safe, to give them what they need, to give them a family that loves them unconditionally. We feel that God has called everyone to either 1.) care for these kids in need through adoption or foster care, or 2.) to support the people that are adopting or fostering. We feel led to adopt, so we are following that calling and seeing where it leads us. 

We know this will not be an easy path, but we are so excited to see where it takes us. 

Thoughts on Adoption: pre-placement.

This past week we officially became approved to be a pre-adoptive home.

These are some of my thoughts on our adoption process pre-placement:

Our adoption journey officially started a little over 2 years ago after we found a 2 year old boy wandering alone in a crowded parking lot (read about that here). It was then that we felt a big push from God to get things rolling, so we sent away for the paperwork to get started. 

The paperwork came. And it sat. and sat. and sat.

We were nervous. Scared. Really scared. And life got in the way. 

That paperwork sat for a year in a bright blue folder, tucked away with our weekly grocery ads and take out menus. 

Finally one day, that paperwork was finished and we waited for the next step. 

The first time we met with a social worker, I was so nervous. The house had never looked so clean. 

We were still slightly terrified, but there was also a little bit of excitment starting to brew. 

Months after that first meeting with a worker, we nervously drove to our first training class. 

After 6 long heartbreaking classes, somehow, the excitement was continuing to build. 

All this time, we had been praying. Praying for God to open doors or close doors. Praying for clarity, for patience, for wisdom. Praying for God to show us, tell us, reveal to us whether or not we should continue to pursue this. 

A few months after the classes ended, and we finished another massive mound of paperwork, our homestudy began. Again, I was way more nervous than I needed to be. But all went well. 

After another few months, we got to read that completed homestudy and this past week were approved. 

As difficult as this entire process is, as heartbreaking as it is, as terrifying as it is, somehow our excitement has only grown.

God has shown us through the past 2 years that this is the path we are to take. 

We know that the hardest is yet to come. We know that since we are adopting through foster care, that we could have these kids for weeks, months, maybe even years and that there is a chance that they may not end up with us forever. 

We know that since we are adopting through foster care that it could be years before these kids officially have our last name. 

We know that it won't be easy. 

But it will be worth it.

And now? Now we are on the verge of meeting some very special children. Children that He already knew would be a part of our family since the beginning of time. 

Every day I wake up wondering if it will be the day we get that phone call or that email. Every Day.

It could be Monday or it could be months down the road. 

We are so excited to meet them. Learn about them. Get to know them. Love them.

We are also terrified. 

But  God has changed our hearts so much over the past 2 years and now, what I picture when I picture adopting? 

Right now, I picture these little kids, standing in our doorway for the first time, Jake and I bending down to welcome them to their new home. I picture Lily, Jonah and Kate jumping up and down and squealing with excitement, hugging everyone and wanting to take their new siblings to show them their rooms. I picture Jake and I crying as we look at our new family. 

I know we will be so scared. But the love and excitement we feel for these kids we haven't even met is so much greater than the fear.

life never slows down {finally an update- job, homeschooling, and adoption}.

Well, it has been months since I last posted anything on here! We have been busy living life and shoveling over 100" of snow in the past month! 

Quite a bit has been happening since I last posted:

We have made great progress on our adoption journey! We have taken all of the classes, reference checks have begun and we are in the process of completing all of the interviews for our home study. This has been such an eye opening experience so far. We know that this is, and will continue to be, quite the adventure and roller coaster ride. We have been praying for guidance and for clarity as we get closer and closer to the time when we will begin looking at and meeting some of the kids. It is incredibly exciting yet also terrifying!  We don't know what the future holds, but we are so excited to possibly bring more little munchkins into the family! 

Another big thing that happened is that in January, Jake changed jobs. He is now a full time Beverly firefighter! This has (and will be) a big step in Jake's career. He is headed off to academy on Monday for 9 weeks. I am anticipating a bumpy transition for the kids, since this will mean less time with Daddy during the week and most likely, a very tired and sore Daddy on the weekends. 

But once academy is over, Jake will be assigned to his Group and will then begin his new schedule, which will be drastically different than what we are used to. He will work 24 hours on, then have 24 hours off, and then work 24 hours on again. Then he will have 5 days off.

That will definitely be an adjustment! 

But because of his new schedule and how much time he has off, we have officially decided to homeschool all 3 kids next school year. Homeschooling Kate this year has been great and she has learned so much- the biggest thing is reading! She is now reading books all on her own and she is so proud. It has been so fun teaching her and watching her learn to read and to see it really start to click just in the past couple of weeks. 

The kids are all excited to try homeschooling next school year. We already ordered our curriculum and everyone in the house can't wait to begin! 

 Jake and I have thought and prayed long and hard over this and we feel that this is the right thing for us next year. We will see how it goes and take it year by year. But for now, we are all really excited to begin our homeschooling adventure!  

In spite of all these big changes going on all around them, the kids are doing great and are really excited about everything going on. Even the massive amounts of snow we've been getting :)

Sledding is the best. 

Update and more big changes coming our way.

This has been a long, unintended break from blogging. 

Part of me misses it. Part of me doesn't. 

We have been busy loving summer and being together. 

It has been a summer of firsts. Our first camping trip. Our first time canoeing. Jonah's first time riding a two-wheeler. Our first time seeing a moose together. And an eagle. The first wedding all three kids were in together. 

We have had an awesome summer so far. Fun camping trips, canoeing, tons of swimming, gardening, bike riding, gymnastics. Lots of fun. But since we got back from our last camping trip, things with the kids have been hard. But, despite the past two weeks being a bit rough, with kids bugging each other and fighting and tattling, every night, when the kids are fast asleep, I go in each of their rooms and look at them. I kiss them. I snuggle them. I smell them. And every single night, I feel like my heart is going to burst with love. No matter how hard the day was, or how great the day was, every night I am reminded that these kids are such a blessing. And my love for them grows every single day. 

I could not imagine my life without them and I will always fight for them. I can not understand how/why some parents do not fight for their children. I will always fight for mine. 

God forgives. He fights for us. He never gives up on us. Even though we deserve nothing, He gives us everything. He loves us and cares for us and listens to us. He is kind and gentle. 

I know I can not even come close to being the type of parent He is, but I pray that I can be more like Him everyday. 

The next 6 months are going to bring a lot of change to this house.

-One big thing that I can not share yet.

-Another thing is the possibility of our family growing. Possibly going from a family of 5 to a family of 6 maybe 7 (!!!) 

-Another thing is deciding about homeschooling. Kate will be "home schooled" for her last year of preschool this coming year (I put homeschooling in quotes because it's just preschool and we will not be using a curriculum with her but rather doing lots of play based learning this next year), and depending on the one thing I can't yet share with you, we will be deciding if we will be homeschooling all 3 beginning the following year.

- And of course, more construction on the house. 

Lots of big things happening soon. 

Please pray with us- for the kids in DCF and for clarity as we move along in the process, that God will make it clear to us the kid(s), if any, He would like to join our family. 

Also for clarity about homeschooling. We are not decided one way or the other, but are seriously discussing switching to homeschooling.

And for patience, lots of it :) 

Exciting life and house changes!

We have lots of exciting things going on in our house these days. 

Jake has been busy with his new job as a full time firefighter in Wenham, which he is loving. He has also decided to go back to school full time to get his fire science associates degree. He should graduate in May 2015! Then after that, if he wants to continue, he might be transferring to another local college to get a second bachelors degree in fire administration. Taking these classes will open a lot of doors for him in the future, like someday becoming a chief! Please pray for Jake and for me and the kids as we take this on for at least the next 1.5 years. 

We are also drawing up plans and getting quotes to put an addition on our house! Jake and I have done lots of talking and going back and forth about how we would like to expand out house. Since we bought our house almost 3 years ago, we have said that someday we will put a second story on. But after really looking at what our needs are, we realized that we don't need more bedroom space, we need more practical living space.

So, we are planning on adding a big family room onto the side of the house. This will give us the living space we need, so we don't feel so cramped all the time. Once we have that room built (which will have high ceilings, another wood stove, and lots of windows), we are thinking we will turn our current living room into the dining room. If you have ever been to our house, you know that our "dining room", if you can even call it that, is tiny. It hardly fits just our family! So, we would turn the current living room into our dining room and give us lots more space and the ability to get a much bigger table so we actually have places for guests and family to sit. Hooray!

Jake is also planning on converting our screened in porch, that is on the back of the house, into a real mudroom. He wants to finish it off and turn it into a real part of the house. I am thrilled about this since we have hardly any room to store the massive amounts of shoes, coats, snow gear, summer gear...you get the idea. It will be amazing to have plenty of space to take off shoes and coats without standing in the middle of the kitchen making my floors muddy.

We are also planning on taking down the weird little wall that separates the front door and the dining room, plus taking out the front closet. We won't need it with Jake building a mudroom plus it will open up the current living room so much! That little wall doesn't really serve a useful purpose anyway, so I am excited to take a sledge hammer and knock that thing down!

Our other house plans involve us all switching bedrooms. Jake and I would move our bedroom downstairs to one of the rooms he built. The girls would move into our room and Jonah would move into the girls room, giving everyone a bit more space. Then that would open up Jonah's room to have as an extra bedroom, and then we can hopefully continue to pursue adoption, which is still heavily on our hearts! Jake and I are so excited that this could actually become a reality!

So many exciting changes coming in the near future!

The kids are loving the game of Sorry lately.

Doors.

Well, after thinking and praying and researching, I am still not sure if homeschooling is the best fit for us. 

I feel like we have a lot up in the air right now. 

Jake's career: There are a few options here and we are waiting for doors to be opened or closed. The first door will be opened or closed tomorrow.

Adoption: This is still very much on our hearts and minds. We are waiting until we get a little clarity about Jake's job before we move forward, but we are very excited about it!

Homeschooling: We are looking into this option and seeing if it would be the best fit for our family. It slightly depends on the path Jake's job goes as well, because of income and his schedule possibly changing. (If it changed, he would be able to help with the schooling too, which is something he is very excited about)

There are lots of pros but also many cons to homeschooling, plus the fact that I am feeling a tad overwhelmed by the whole choosing a curriculum thing. 

But, the door is not closed. 

So, we shall see. I guess we are waiting on career decisions right now, before we can really move forward with adoption and homeschooling decisions. 

Please pray for clarity and for doors to be opened very wide or closed very tightly. 

little update.

Today is day 6 without Jake. 

Things have actually been going really well, aside from the fact that Kate and I have a gross cold, leaving both of us coughing and congested, and resulting in little sleep. 

But, Jake begins his trek home on Friday and we will see him Saturday night! We sure miss him :)

Yesterday, we got some important papers in the mail- We got our information and application for adoption!

Since getting that in the mail yesterday, I have felt very excited and optimistic. I can't wait for Jake to get home so we can read through it together and send in the application. We also now know when the meetings are, so we are anxious to go as soon as we can and move along through this process. 

I will keep you all updated as things move along! 

Also, we are coming up to Kate going 4 months without an episode! Although, now that I wrote that, I am sure she will wake up tomorrow with one. 

It has been so wonderful to have her healthy the past 4 months! I am praying that this episode-free streak continues! 

Again, you all are wonderful and I so appreciate the prayers and support! 

Love wins friends!

-Lauren-

The beginning.

Thank you all for the outpouring of love, prayers and support after my last post. It is so encouraging knowing so many people are praying for us and for Hayden. 

Jake did in fact call Massachusetts Family Services to get things going and to get more information and we are waiting for a call back from them. 

We are at the very beginning of this long, exciting, heartbreaking process. 

There is a lot we still need to learn. There is a lot we need to do. 

Right now, my only focus is getting things started. I am not looking too far ahead. I feel like I can't do that, can't look ahead because we don't even know what they will say. We don't know what they will tell us or if they will even let us adopt. 

Right now that is my biggest fear. I am sure as we move along, my fears will change. But right now, my  biggest fear is that they will say "NO". I am afraid that they are going to say no because our house is too small or because we don't make enough money. 

We are taking things one.step.at.a.time. 

I think when you are going through something so HUGE and so EMOTIONAL, you can only take it one step at a time because each step is about as much as anyone can bare. 

We are praying and praying and listening. 

We are hopeful that one day we might be able to open our hearts and our home to a child that needs love and a good home. 

But we are also aware that there is a chance this won't work out at all. Hence, the baby steps. 

Jake is going away for 10 days on Friday to help lead a missions trip to Florida, so I don't expect much to happen until after he gets back.

Again, thank you for your prayers and support! 

Hayden.

This weekend, we had an experience we have never had before. 

While pulling into a Best Buy parking lot, we almost ran over a little boy that was walking around in a parking spot. We quickly looked around, searching for the adult that would, of course, be right nearby to snatch him up and keep him safe. 

We watched him walk through the parking lot, pushing an empty cart right into the road. At that point, we all jumped out of the car, along with a few other adults, everyone searching for someone to claim the little boy. 

No one came. He was all alone. No adults nearby. No one frantically searching for this wandering little boy.

Jake picked him up, after the other adults realized that we were a young family with little kids and were trustworthy to take the boy into Best Buy to wait for the police. As we were taking him inside, we hear a man talking with a woman pushing a cart with an Elmo balloon floating above it. The man was saying, "No, you are not taking him back. I just watched that boy walk away from you 9 times and you didn't even notice. You didn't do anything! We called the police and you need to wait for them to come." 

This man was talking to the little boy's mother. 

I am so thankful for that man, for standing up for this sweet little boy. 

Jake convinced the mother to come inside of Best Buy with us, while we waited for the police. 

It was pretty obvious that there was something wrong with the mother. She was strangely calm and didn't seem to be in her right mind. Jake said she seemed to be high on something. 

While we waited for the police, which seemed to take a very long time, we played with the little boy. We learned that his name is Hayden,  he is 2 1/2 and his birthday is in May. He has short blonde hair and blue eyes and the cutest little smile. He loved playing with my 3 kids and Lily, Jonah and Kate all helped to look after him and keep him safe. 

After a while, it became very hard to keep my kids entertained in Best Buy (little kids around lots of breakable electronics?? Not a good mix.), so I decided to take the kids over to the Salvation Army store to look around and give them a better place to wait. We all said goodbye to Hayden and he gave my kids the biggest hugs. They were all sad to say goodbye to him.

Meanwhile, Jake stayed with Hayden. The police finally showed up and were talking to the mother and to Jake for quite a while.

Hayden really took to Jake. For close to 2 hours, Jake held him, played with him, talked to him, gave him a snack,  and kept him safe. By the end, Hayden was almost falling asleep on Jake's shoulder. The whole time  Hayden just wanted to stay with Jake- he didn't even want to go to his mother. He really loved Jake.

Finally, family members came and Hayden and his mother were released to go home with them. Hayden cried when Jake had to give him up. 

Jake and I had a hard time thinking of anything else for the rest of the night. And the next day. And still today. We both wished so much that we could have just taken Hayden home with us and made him part of our family. It was a heartbreaking experience and I am certain that we will never forget it. 

Jake and I have always talked about possibly adopting. It is close to Jake's heart because his younger brother and sister are both adopted. I have always been open to it and lately I have jokingly said "Jake let's adopt, I want another baby!" But I was saying that for the wrong reasons. 

But this weekend changed everything. This weekend was my first real experience witnessing a child in need. A child that doesn't have a safe home. And I know that there are so many kids out there who's life is so much worse. 

This weekend really opened my eyes to adoption and it really made me realize that kids don't need big houses or the newest toys or electronics. All they really need is a safe and loving home. A family that loves them unconditionally and raises them to be kind, loving, Godly adults. 

And I realized that even though we don't have a ton of money or a big house, we do have lots of love to give. Lots and lots of love. 

And because of that, Jake is making a phone call today. A phone call to get information to start us on the road to adoption. I can't say whether or not it will work out, but Jake and I both feel very strongly that meeting Hayden was God changing our hearts and showing us that it is time for us to take this seriously. 

So, we are. We are starting the process and seeing where God leads us. 

Maybe God was using Hayden to help another child that will someday become part of our family. Maybe not. But either way, Hayden has changed us and we pray that he is okay.  

Please pray with us for Hayden and also for us as we begin this process.