wife to Jake, mommy to my 3 crazy munchkins, Lily (7), Jonah (5.5) and Kate (4). Taking this crazy blessed life one day at a time.

4.08.2014

Life of a firefighter.

About 2 weeks ago there was a fatal fire in Boston. 2 firefighters died in the fire. 

It is never easy to hear about firefighters dying, especially now that Jake is a full time firefighter. But something about this fire hit us all hard. Really hard. 

Maybe it was the fact that one of the firefighters had 3 young kids, just like us. Maybe because the other firefighter was young, like Jake, and seemed to be exactly like someone he would be great friends with. Maybe because Jake listened to the radio transmission as it was all happening and he heard the mayday calls. Some of it was because of all of that. 

But a lot of it was because this fire showed me that even if you are the best firefighter in the world, there are still things about fire that are uncontrollable. 

Even though Jake takes class after class and knows everything about firefighting and fire and the science of fire and all of that. Even though he is serious about his training and staying fit and healthy. Even though he has all of the right gear and is careful and safe at what he does. Even though he does all of those things, there are still things he can't plan for or prevent. 

That is what I am most afraid of. 

After this fire happened, Jake said to me " I need to know that if I get in a situation like that, I need to know that you and the kids will be okay." 

I was stunned. That is the hardest question I have ever been asked.

I knew that there were risks about being a firefighter, but they never seemed quite so real as they did after that Boston fire. 

How can I tell my husband that my kids and I will be okay if he died in a fire? 

Yes, we would continue to breathe and survive, but I don't think we would ever fully be okay. 

I am not afraid of death. 

But I am afraid of experiencing that kind of unbearable heartache and pain of losing the person I love most in the world. 

I know that God would take care of us and eventually life would go on. Not as normal, but as a new "normal".  

But the thought of something happening to Jake in a fire (or anytime) brings tears to my eyes and makes my heart ache.

 The things that happened in this Boston fire made me realize that as much as you can learn and train and practice, there are still things that can not be controlled. 

It can be a scary life to live.

But despite that, Jake absolutely loves being a firefighter. And we are so proud of him. First responders are real life heroes and we are so thankful for them! 

Please continue to pray for the families and friends of the lost firefighters, and also for the firefighting community. When something happens to one of their brothers, it hits all of them hard. 

******

Daddy is the best.