wife to Jake, mommy to my 3 crazy munchkins, Lily (7), Jonah (5.5) and Kate (4). Taking this crazy blessed life one day at a time.


A new chapter.

Today, Lily started 1st grade. 

Her sign says "1st day of 1st grade! When I grow up I want to be a gymnast"

I am not in denial, but I am sort of shocked that we are already here. I remember, when Lily was a little  baby, saying something along the lines of, "Before we know it, she will be in 1st grade!". 

And now it is here. 

Honestly, I have never been very emotional when it comes to all of Lily's firsts. I'm not sure why. Maybe just because of the excitement of the first and the excitement of her growing and doing new things. 

I wasn't sad when she had her first day of preschool. Actually, I was really glad. I was hugely pregnant and Jonah was about 14 months old and, well, Lily is a handful. 

I wasn't terribly sad when she started full day kindergarten last year. 

But something is different about this year. 

She has always been very independent. 

But now she is on the verge of 7 (Sunday's the big day!) and she is doing SO much on her own all of a sudden. 

She really can do almost anything all by herself now.

 The past few weeks, she has gone playing with friends and I don't see her for a few hours. 

I remember doing the same thing when I was a kid, but it's just really weird to already be at that point as a parent.

I have always thought Jake and I do a pretty good job at fostering independence in our kids, and we are big believers in that. Lately, though, it has been hard for me to let her go. I always do let her go, but it's hard on my mommy heart. 

I think it boils down to the fact that she doesn't need me for much at the moment. And she has this life outside of our house that I am not a part of. 

It's hard to let go and let your kids go off and experience things for themselves. It is so good for her though. I am excited for the experiences she gets to have and the friendships that continue to grow, but it's still hard.

She still seems so young to me. Well, she is still young- she's only 7! I am sure it will get harder to let go even more the older she gets. What am I going to do when she's in middle school and high school?! But maybe it gets a little easier because you get used to it more? Maybe it's especially hard right now because I am right at the beginning and it's so new to me? 

I do know that she will always need me for something. I am mom and I will always be there for her when she needs me. 

It's just really strange, and hard for me, to be doing everything for my kids for years and years and suddenly, I'm not needed much anymore. At least, I am not needed in the same ways.

I guess it's like we are starting a new chapter, at least with Lily. But I know that Jonah and Kate are not too far behind. 

A new chapter where I am not needed to feed, bathe, change, or clothe my girl. She can do all of that on her own now. 

I guess in this new chapter I need to figure out where she does need me. 

Maybe I am being a bit dramatic about the whole thing. But it does feel like something big changed over the summer. It does feel like we are readjusting our roles a bit. And as shocked as I was to realize this shift, it has been hard for me to swallow. 

Despite my feelings, Lily has had a wonderful summer with her increasing independence. Thankfully she is still at an age where, even though she likes her freedom, she also likes to come home and give us hugs, talk about her experiences, and spend time with her family.