wife to Jake, mommy to my 3 crazy munchkins, Lily (7), Jonah (5.5) and Kate (4). Taking this crazy blessed life one day at a time.

1.31.2013

Life with 3.



Jake and I didn't intend on having 3 kids, especially 3 kids age 3 and under. 

I was terrified when we found out Lily was on the way. But once she was here, things were okay. Don't get me wrong, adjusting to parenthood was NOT easy, but she was MY baby. I knew her. I knew what she needed. I was her MOM. 

Lily was an awesome baby (our troubles with her began around 18 months or so..... can you say SPIRITED??) . Jake and I loved being parents and we knew that we wanted our kids to be pretty close in age. So, when Lily was about 7 months, we began trying for another baby. Oddly enough, it took us about 5 months to get pregnant with Jonah. Our 2 girls were a total shock but when we were actually trying, it took us a few months. Crazy right?

Jonah was born when Lily was 21 months old. Things were great. The transition from one to two kids was shockingly easier than I thought. 

Then along came Kate. She was born when Jonah was 17 months old. Lily had just turned 3. 

Suddenly, I had 3 kids 3 and under. YIKES. 

It was HARD. Yes, you heard me. Oh so hard. I was in it. Deep in it. 

I don't think I really got a handle on things until Kate was around 9 months old. 

Everyone told me that once you are "out of it", things got better. But it felt like I would NEVER be "out of it". 

That was not an easy time in my life, but I told myself that someday, it would be worth it. We would be out of the thick of it and my kids would be so close and things would be awesome. 

You know what?

We're ALMOST there! 

I have survived, and dare I say it, even thrived, being "in it" and we are on the verge of leaving that stage behind.

Can I tell you a secret? 

I MISS IT. 

Life is already so different, just 3 years later. I miss what our life was like when the kids were all so little. Days where we didn't have to rush off to school in the morning, or soccer or gymnastics. Days with naps, babies sleeping in my arms, tummy time, high chairs and sippy cups. 

I MISS IT. 

Life was, and IS, crazy hard having my kids so close in age. But it is SO WORTH IT. 

My kids are best friends. And I love that they get to grow up with each other. Now that they are 6, 4 1/2, and 3, certain things have gotten so much easier and so much fun. 

I am pretty positive that parenting will NEVER be easy (well, maybe when they are adults??).  As they grow, certain things will get easier as others get harder. 

I honestly can not believe that I am almost on the other side of "it". It felt like we would be in it forever. But here we are, just a moment later, almost out of it. 

I know that I have posted before on how fast time flies with kids, and I don't think I will EVER get used to it, or be okay with it.

Mamas of little ones, you WILL get through it. I know how hard it is. How hard it can be to trudge through the same thing every.single.day. How you feel like you got nothing done all day long. When you feel like you can't take one more kid crying or whining or else you will lose it. How it drives you crazy when your stubborn 3 year old won't nap and then wakes up the napping babies. Trust me. I know. 

You will make it through. One day, you will suddenly realize that you did it. You can see light at the end of the tunnel. 

But, just a warning, once you get there, you'll find yourself looking back through that tunnel, wishing you could go back, just for a little while.


June 2010


December 2012
(I LOVE Kate's face!!)


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1.25.2013

For Lily.




Dear Lily,

My heart is sad tonight. 

Tonight, you came to me crying. You were so so sad. You said that you didn't want to grow up because you thought that once you grow up you won't get to see Kate, Jonah, me or Daddy anymore. 

I know why you thought that. And it breaks my heart. 

I held you and tried to calm you down. 

I talked to you and told you that we will always be there for you, and so will Jonah and Kate. 

Lily, I am so sorry that you  had reason to believe that once you are a grown up, you don't see your family anymore. But I promise you that no matter what, we will be there for you and love you. Always. 

Your Daddy and I pray for you and your brother and sister everyday. For your heath and safety, for the present, for the future, for your relationships and for so so much more. 

You are in good hands baby girl. You have a God that loves you, a family that loves you and lots and lots of friends that love you too. You are a very loved little girl. 

And we will always be here.

Always. 

I love you to the moon and back munchkin. 

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1.10.2013

Anniversary.



Dear Jacob,

 Happy Anniversary! Can you believe it's been 7 years already?! I can't. 

We have been through so much in the last 7 years. But you know what? I wouldn't change any of it. I am so beyond thankful that I get to go through life with you. I mean, really, how lucky am I?? The luckiest. 

I pray that we have many, many, many more years to spend together. Remember our deal?

I love you more than I could possibly say in words. 

I can't wait to go out with you tonight and spend the weekend with YOU!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!

Love, 
Lauren
Very first picture of us, before we were even dating. Still LOVE this picture. 

Most recent picture of us (I think) from our Outer Banks vacation 2011. 

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1.08.2013

How it all began.




Thursday, Jake and I will celebrate our 7th anniversary. 

But, our little family didn't start out the way we had imagined. 

As some of you may know, I don't really like talking about our family's beginning. I am still ashamed. Still embarrassed. Still hate seeing that look of disappointment.

But, nevertheless, it is OUR story. It's how our sweet little family came to be. How my life changed forever.  And here it is:

Jake and I started dating on September 1, 2005, after spending an amazing summer together and with friends that we still see at least once a week. We fell in love that summer, even before we started dating, but I didn't really know it right away, because the last thing I was looking for was a boyfriend. But I was really head over heels for him. I distinctly remember riding on the T with Jake and a bunch of friends. We were sitting across from each other and when I looked at him, literally, the rest of the world went away. It's like a song, but I still remember that moment. 

We dated the fall semester of my sophomore year at Gordon. I was 20, he was 23. We were both completely in love. I remember coming back to my room after a class one day and Jake had left lilies in my room for me. I sprinted back to campus just to see him and ran right into his arms. We do silly things when we are so in love. 

We were already talking about getting married, even though we hasn't been dating very long. We knew that this was right and and we had found "the one". 

Christmas break came and I went home to Illinois. It was awful being apart for so long. Well, it felt long to us! Christmas night Jake flew to Chicago to surprise me! It was the best surprise ever, and the timing could not have been better. And that is an understatement. 

That night I told him that I was 5 days late. 

Thankfully Jake is not the type of person to freak out, so he was calm and said okay, we would go get a test the next day. 

Of course neither of us slept well that night. The next day, we went and got a test. For some reason, we drove to Einstein Brothers Bagels. Jake waited in my car while I went into their bathroom with the test. 

Shaking almost uncontrollably, I made it back to the car and we waited. Jake reassured me that no matter what the results, he was going to marry me.

We flipped the test over and looked. Pregnant.

I started crying. Loud crying. Uncontrollable crying. Ugly crying.

I honestly couldn't believe it. I started telling Jake that the test must be wrong. 

He just held me. 

After a while we took a walk. We talked. Talked about what this meant. What was going to happen. What we had to do next. 

We went to Target to browse the baby aisles. We went to lunch at Noodles and Co, but couldn't really eat anything. 

After wasting as much time as we could, we had to go back to my parents house. They told us that they wanted to talk to us. 

They sat us down and had a big talk with us about how I wasn't ready to become a wife. How I wasn't ready to become a mother. How Jake would make a great son-in-law.... someday. 

During the whole conversation, I sat with Jake, trying to hide the fact that I was shaking, trying not to cry, and squeezing his hand as hard as I could. 

The timing of that conversation could not have been worse. Even though I had never felt worse in my entire life, that conversation made me feel the absolute worst. Ever. 

Once that ended, Jake and I went upstairs to talk. He told me that we had to tell them. I couldn't do it. I couldn't even make myself walk down the stairs. I couldn't. 

Having to tell our family and friends was one of the hardest parts for me. It was awful. 

The next day, Jake and I packed up our things and I moved out. We drove back to New England, with me crying much of the way. We went to New Hampshire to tell Jake's family. Then we went back to his apartment to figure out what was next. 

We thought that a quick wedding was the best thing to do. We got married on January 10th, 2006, just 16 days after we found out.

Honestly, I think I was kind of in a state of shock during this whole time. 

I wrote a bit about our wedding Here, if you want to read more about that. 

Our first year of marriage was by far our hardest. For me, everything in my life changed when we found out a baby was on the way. I moved out of my parents house, I left school, I moved in with Jake, we got married, my relationships were strained and I was pregnant, with little experience with infants. It was a difficult time for us. 

On September 1, 2006, Lily Grace was born.

Over time, things got better. And easier. And we settled into married life and life with a new baby. 

We knew that we wanted our kids to be close in age, so on June 4, 2008, Jonah Christian was born. Then on November 16, 2009, Kate Roxanne was born. You can read about my pregnancy with Kate here.

Our marriage has never had a dull moment. In the past 7 years, there has always been something BIG going on, whether it be buying new cars, a new house, fire academy, losing loved ones, fixing up our new house, working crazy hours, sicknesses, a high risk pregnancy, and so on. 

Things did not start out the way we had imagined.  I still have regrets about certain things. It has been harder than I had imagined, and harder in ways I had not thought of.  We chose a really hard path and I wouldn't wish that path on anyone. 

But it's how we began. We did it. We survived. And now, we are thriving. 

Now, 7 years later, I could not love our little family any more than I already do. We have a strong marriage. We have three awesome kids. We have a house filled with love. 


I wrote this post because December 26th marked 7 years since that day. It has been on my mind, and I thought it would be good to get it out and share our story. Maybe somehow our story can help someone. 

But I guess it's mostly for me. To get it out. To "talk" about it. To accept it and be okay talking with it. 


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