I think I may have scared some of you off with my last post.
I use this blog as a way to get things out: my fears, my struggles, my triumphs, my thoughts. The fear I described in my last post is very real. But this fear is inside my head. It is not ruling my life, it is not negatively affecting my being a wife or a mother. I am still, daily, trying to master being the best wife and mommy here on earth. I think that post may have sounded as though I am letting this fear rule me. I promise it is not. But it is there, and has been on my mind a lot lately, so I wanted to get it out onto "paper".
The big part of that post that I didn't include is that I am trying to give these fears over to God. I pray about this, along with countless other things. I trust Him and His plan and His timing. I know that whatever happens in this life, it has a purpose. We may not be able to see what that purpose is, but it is there. This quote is from an earlier post:
"I know that every twist and turn we take in our lives, whether good or bad, takes us on a path that forms who we are and affects our future and the future of others. God is behind everything, and someday, something good will come from each one of those twists and turns. I really believe that, and being reminded of that helps me when I am going through something hard."
So, I know that if something were to happen to one of us, we would be okay. We are given trials that we can handle. They may not be easy and it may feel like we can't take another step forward, but little by little we will be able to get through it.
I guess I should say that my fear is having to experience that pain. The pain of watching someone I love more than anything suffer and then possibly losing them and living in this world without them. Does that make sense?
A sweet friend of mine said it perfectly,
"Intellectually, if what I consider to be a major catastrophe in my
family's life is what leads my kid to live a life serving the LORD, then bring it on. Intellectually, if I trust that
God's plan is perfect and working for the good of me, who loves Him, then I have to trust that my vision is
stunted, and I cannot see (though I hope to one day see) the glory being effected through His plan."
I seriously love this. I could not have said it better myself. That is exactly how I feel.
So, I hope I didn't scare too many of you with my post, and I hope that I cleared things up a bit with this one.
Good comes from all and even if you can't see it just yet, it is being felt somewhere.
I hope that if I am hit with something hard, I can remember this and know that it is His plan, even if it may feel as if the world is crumbling around me.