I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. Feeling behind. Feeling like things are never quite lined up just how they should be, so that everything is just a little bit off. Feeling like a good mom, but not a great mom. Feeling lazy. Feeling annoyed at how hard it is for me to change, and how hard it is to break habits and ways of life that you have been doing forever.
I know I have written about change before (did I mention how hard it is for me to change and how easy it is to quickly get back into old routines, even if you don't want to?), but here I am writing about it again. I always seem to get really excited about something, then go at strong for a while, then slowly, it fades away. Then a while later, I remember, "oh yeah, I was working on that. Why did I stop?" I have lots of great intentions and ideas, but for some reason can never quite follow through with them. Why is that? Why is it always to easy to give advice, but then really hard to follow that same advice? Why is it easy to see other people's problems, and see a clear solution, but so hard to do the same in your own life?
I see my flaws, my problems, sometimes pretty clearly, other times, not so clearly. I can see the result that I want, but I just don't always know how to get myself there. And now, the pressure is on. I have kids now. 3 little people that look up to me and watch my every move. And honestly, I do not always set a very good example. And I can see the results of that in Lily's behavior. The kids are still young enough, that if I can really stick to this, things can turn around without much harm done. If they were much older, then it would be another story.
So, the time is now. Jake and I are working together to brainstorm ideas of realistic ways we can improve as parents and to really enjoy our kids, before it's too late. They are growing up WAY too fast, and if we blink again, it will be over.
Please pray for us, as we make these changes, that we will be patient, and most of all that these will be permanent changes, and that I won't be repeating this post in a few months because we lost track of it.