wife to Jake, mommy to my 3 crazy munchkins, Lily (7), Jonah (5.5) and Kate (4). Taking this crazy blessed life one day at a time.


A million years ago.

This past Saturday night, Jake and I (and Kate, the nursing babe) were able to get away for the night. Amazing Aunt Beth came Friday night, and we left Saturday morning, after yet another trip to the bakery.

We had a great weekend. On Sunday, we went to this little breakfast place for brunch. As we were eating our breakfast, I was noticing the people at the other tables. And for some reason, they reminded me so much of when Jake and I, and sometimes Mel and Henry, would go to Stephy's Kitchen on Sunday mornings before church at Christ Church, way back when Jake and I were still dating. It feels like a million years ago. Being reminded of those times made me so nostalgic. I miss those days. A lot. Our dating days were cut very short and I wish that we could have had so much more time together, as a young couple totally in love. Instead we had just a few short months and then had to suddenly tackle the obstacles that marriage and parenthood bring. I know that we are paying the price of our actions, and that's okay. We have three beautiful kids and have a strong and happy marriage, and are still very much in love. But it's not the same as the magic of just falling in love. And I miss that sometimes. That excitement. That was the first time in my life I was honestly beyond excited to wake up every morning. When I looked at Jake, literally the rest of the world was a blur. He was all I could see. It sounds like a corny love song, but it's true.

Sitting in that little Mass. Ave restaurant brought all those emotions back to me. And it made me a little sad because for me, all of those emotions changed so abruptly. We had an amazing summer, and then 4 amazing months, and then bam. From then on, my memory of our challenging beginning to marriage is a negative one. Not because of Jake, but because of how much things changed for me. I couldn't handle it. And losing my only family support hit me hard. Like a ton of bricks. Literally my entire life was turned upside down. I still have a hard time dealing with it all and trying not to regret the past.

This post has turned into more than I thought it would. But that's okay. I love Jacob more than anything. I love my precious kids and am working everyday to become a better mommy to them. They deserve the absolute best, even if some of them weren't "planned" by us.That doesn't matter. God has made it very clear to us that He wants these little ones here with us, and we sure are glad that He does!

First picture of us, taken at Uno's, 5+ years ago :)


rachel said...

oh lauren - I have those thoughts a lot! about being so wistful for the falling in love period when you are just sop excited to be with someone... and sometimes resenting not having aloneness anymore once the children arrive. It's so natural and normal to feel and I only hope we can recapture it in moments like date nights etc, to get a little "fix" of the high that used to be had by new love

Our Funny Little Family said...

I love your new blog design by the way :) Also, I understand! Adam and I did get a little longer witht he dating stage but I don't think I appreciated it nearly as much as I should have. Too busy wanting to get to this stage of life. But there are days when I really wish we could be spontaneous and just ditch Emma and go on a fun date like we used to. Maybe this will make us appreciate that whole "empty nest" thing and not be super sad about it! :)