wife to Jake, mommy to my 3 crazy munchkins, Lily (7), Jonah (5.5) and Kate (4). Taking this crazy blessed life one day at a time.


Birthdays and mixed emotions

Today is the boy's birthday. He turns 2 at 2:24pm. He is my sweet little cuddle bug. He is so different from his big sister in so many ways. He is very sensitive, likes being held, and loves to cuddle with his puppy and blanket. We often refer to him as Linus, as he drags his soft green silky blanket everywhere. He squeals with delight at the sight of his little sister and is constantly hugging her, kissing her, bringing her toys (some of which are not very baby friendly- but it's the thought that counts, right??), and even sharing his blanket with her. He is such a sweet little guy, but is rapidly entering the "terrible two's" stage. Which is sad for me. My sweet little guy is now throwing tantrums left and right, his favorite words are "NO" and "MINE!", and the hardest part is that he just doesn't know what he wants. He wants to take off his hat. I take it off. He screams because I took off his hat. I ask if he wants it back on, he says yes. So I put it back on. But, then he screams because it is on his head again. Oh my goodness. He does this with EVERYTHING! It is a extremely exhausting process. But I am so thankful for my little guy, who is stuck in the middle of two sisters, poor boy. His daddy grew up the same way, so at least they can relate.

Lately, birthdays and holidays hold mixed emotions for me. I love to celebrate and make a big deal of birthdays, but I am always reminded of what is missing. It is nearing 2 years since Jake and I cut ties from certain members of my family, for my own emotional health and for the kids. We do not talk or email. They send presents to the kids on their birthdays and holidays. I send them cards on their birthdays and Christmas. It is hard for me when the kids packages come in the mail and to see the cards they write to the kids. They have never met Jonah or Kate. I miss having their support- which is something I desperately need. I miss talking to them and telling them funny things the kids did. I hope and pray that someday, things might be different and our relationship might somehow be restored, not to what it once was, but to something better, a healthy relationship that will be based on love. Until then, I am constantly aware that our family is not the way it should be- my kids are missing important pieces of their lives. And that leaves me with a deep sadness that is always present. But no one is missing more than my family- they are missing out on so many great things and most of all, they are missing out on our three blessings, who are growing up so fast, and won't be little much longer.


Frog said...

The latter part of this post is something that I think about from time to time, and I offer up a prayer for you all.
P.S. I love your family and you all mean so much to me. I'm glad that we're in each other's lives. :)

Anonymous said...

Miss Lauren- I am committing to praying for you- for restoration, first of all of your heart in the places that were broken by others/life. God is so faithful. When I turned to Him only and walked in repentance, and loved my girls the way they deserved to be loved, slowly hearts were being healed, and communication and real love started being real for all of us. I know for your family it had to start inside each one of us as we had to face the loss of some of the past, and resolve to embrace the future. I am praying also that God will put the people in your life that can fill in the gaps- who can be the a place of calm in this crazy world. I think of you often- know it has been a joy to see you happy, contented, with a mate who loves you, and with those 3 little gifts that are so completely cute I can hardly stand it! I am proud of you Lauren- you have continued to be/become a wonderful person. I smile each time I see your little ones and your family. :) Gail

Anonymous said...

Hey - always proofread before one hits 'post'- I meant MY family not your family in the 8th line...brother- it's been a long day! Sorry girl!